Thirty Years it has been thirty years since her heart has been touched years spent benind walls, behind guards lonely months spent under glass seeing but not feeling then one day the walls fell the guards shed their armor and lay down their swords the little girl stepped through the glass and walked to the other side the words were soft and warm they fell gently around her arms encircled her inside, her heart tickled like the wings of a butterfly her senses were enlivened the colors were brighter it was so joyous, she laughed it was so beautiful, she wept it was so good and pure and strong it frightened her, so she ran to hide what must it be like to live after so long being asleep? to hear music when one's heart has so long known tears? what must it be like to feel the touch of humanity after thirty years? the little girl sits hiding her face with her hands overwhelmed with her feelings knowing Renee understands copyright2005TM |
TM |
TM is an editor and freelance writer living in Lakewood, Colorado. She has been enthralled with the written word since childhood. At age 10, she developed her own magazine and named it the Groovy Gazette, typing out copies by hand and distributing it to neighborhood friends. Over the years, she has written numerous poems and prose. Although TM was clinically diagnosed 7 years ago, the seeds of mental illness were planted in her childhood, more than 30 years ago. She is currently undergoing psychotherapy: this she describes as learning to create a kaleidoscope from broken shards of glass. I was an emotionally sensitive child, yet expressing my feelings and needs often went unnoticed or was met with disapproval. My trusting nature and hunger for nurturing led me into a situation where that trust was violated. I learned that my feelings and needs were not OK -- in fact, that they were dangerous. More than 30 years ago, a part of me went into hiding, behind layers of denial and dissociation. This vulnerable "child" remained hidden for over 30 years. However, it has only been in the last 7 years, since my major breakdown and entrance into therapy, that I have begun to rediscover this lost part of myself. - TM |
